How it all Began

This is an excerpt from the statement I prepared for my lawyer in 2005 when I was trying to obtain my first Protective Order. It will provide you with a little background information about my husband, my marriage, and the abuse.


We met in January 2001. He was charming, funny, and a good listener. Exactly what I needed in a friend. I was five months pregnant with my daughter and her father wanted nothing to do with us. Tony, my ex-husband, became a friend to talk to. He cared. He would ask how I was doing, about the Dr. visits. He even bought her gifts. He was a perfect potential step-father. Our first date was Christmas Eve. I did not have a baby sitter, but that did not bother him. He looked so handsome in his black suit. He was a complete gentleman. During the following months, he was everything I wanted him to be. We moved into our first apartment together in March.
The first time he hit me was in April. We were arguing about him spending so much times at work. His eight-year-old son, who barely knew me, would stay with us 3-4 days a week and was completely my responsibility. I was a new mom to a nine-month-old. I had no idea what I was doing yet. He began criticizing my parenting skills and inability to juggle it all. I decided I was leaving for a while; just needed a break. He grabbed my daughter knowing I would not leave without her. He kept pushing me away from the doorway. I got my phone and ran to the bedroom to call the police. He followed and pushed me into the closet and hit me over the head with the phone. I had already given them the address, so he knew they were on the way. He released my daughter and threw me on the bed. He pinned me down and grabbed my hands and forced me to poke him in the eyes and scratch his face. He said he wasn't going to jail for me and that he was going to tell them he was defending himself. Back in the living room, I was again trying to get out. He pushed me about five feet away and I knocked my back and head on the couch, also knocked the wind out of me and I fell to the floor. When the police got there , he ran out ahead of me told them his story. They made him leave and stayed until someone came to get him. I called my parents. They were furious. At me. They told me I was stupid. Ruining my life. They threatened to take my daughter away from me. He was gone about two and half months. He started knocking at my door at 4am, crying. He was sorry. The usual routine, for the first time. By that November I had finally had enough when he asked me to marry him. How could I?! You abuse me! I don't know why, but I told him if we could get through a whole year without me being hit, I would marry him. As far as I was concerned, if we could fix just that, all would work out fine. A year later, December 6, 2002, I married him. January 28th, I found out I was pregnant and February 7th, the abuse began again.

Every incident that followed was similar. Usually over the kids, finances or jealousy. If not a push, then a hit, slap, kick, punch, or bite. Every apology meant less and less. Eventually, the apology didn't come.