I am deeply saddened and disappointed by Rihanna's decision to forgive and stay with asshole Chris Brown. They are both so much in the public's eye and have such a strong influence over the upcoming generation that, I believe, to many of them, it sends the message that this type of behavior is acceptable. IT IS NOT!!
Through my years of domestic violence counseling, I know that statistically, a woman will attempt to flee this situation (on average) seven times before she successfully leaves or is successfully killed. It took me eight, so this is a statistic I believe to be true. I wonder how many times, if any she has reached out for help. As I said in a previous blog: this was not the first time he hit her. It gets worse and more frequent over time, so I am certain she has endured this type of pain at his hands before. Whom ever she reached out to previously did not do enough.
One out of four women are domestic violence victims. This statistic holds true for teenage girls as well. I am one and chances are, one of you reading this is a victim too. Again, I offer a helping hand. Literally. I will hold your hand and walk you through every step. The life of a victim is not one worth living. I can proudly say, as a SURVIVOR, that life is beautiful on the other side of abuse.
I am not meaning to blame Rihanna or any other victim for staying. I have been there. I have lied for the abuser, made excuses for his behavior, forgiven him for scarring my body- all in the name of love. At least that's what I thought it was. As Oprah says, "love does not hurt."
I am now with a wonderful man who has put up with a lot of my crap for years. He has seen me in my worst moments and walked out on me many times. Thankfully, he walked out. Even though I begged him to stay- he walked out. He never put a hand to me. He never one time thought to deliberately hurt my body in any way. He just walked out. Like a REAL man. Cowards hit!! Only cowards who think they can control a woman's thoughts and actions will hit them. And if they hit once, it WILL happen again. And again.
I pray for Rihanna and all Rihannas living in this vicous cycle. I pray for the upcoming generation who just recieved the message that this is how a 'loving' relationship works. IT IS NOT!! I know that I cannnot save all Rihannas, but I know that I have helped two women stop being victims and taught them to be survivors. I hope that this blog may help another. I have vowed to become more active in advocating for these women.
Love does not hurt. Pain is not worth living through. No one is ever alone in this situation. There are countless people willing to offer support and countless resources available for anyone willing to take them. God bless all Rihannas and may He find a way to bring them to this blog and to my life so that I may help them see a better day.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
SPEAK OUT
SPEAK OUT about domestic violence and the lasting effects it has on each life it touches. I'm inspired by the recent publicity of Rihanna's battery. Yes. Inspired. I'm inspired to write this blog. I'm inspired to SPEAK OUT myself. I'm inspired to educate others about this growing epidemic.
I am a survivor of domestic violence and as I read about Rihanna's injuries and the events leading up to, I know that it is a scene I am very familiar with. I also know that this could not have been the first incident. They aren't this bold the first time. I know how she feels today. I know the physical pain, the emotional pain, and the struggle she is now facing.
This is what I want others to learn from this:
I, me, Jenna, has lived a day in the life of Rihanna. This social problem is one that effects people in all walks of life. It discriminates against no one. Regardless of age, race, gender, status; domestic violence rears its ugly head.
My heart goes out to Rihanna. She is a young, beautiful, successful woman. She is on top of the world in the peak of her life. This is not something she should be facing. It's not anything ANYONE should go through. I hope she knows that she is not alone. I hope she knows this can't break her. It won't be long before she's back in the limelight and leaving him in the dust.
This is something that although it changes you for the rest of your life, it does not define you. People have questioned my character regarding this before. Asking why I stayed. Why I allowed it. How did I not see the signs?
The answers to these questions are irrelevent. Pointless. Unless you live the life, you won't understand it. But you should be understanding to the fact that anyone can fall into this trap.
If you know anyone in this situation or are living it yourself. Please know that you don't have to. There are people who will help. Like me. I will hold the hand of any sister through this. I'm out of my abusive marriage since 01.04.05 and happy that it's finally all in the past! I regularly attend support meetings because I know it takes as long to get over it as it does to get into it.
So, SPEAK OUT!! Let Rihanna's pain be a voice for us all. I'm thankful she was brave enough to SPEAK OUT. I hope the publicity of her story motivates millions of women to leave their abusers. God bless Rihanna and all other victims.
I am a survivor of domestic violence and as I read about Rihanna's injuries and the events leading up to, I know that it is a scene I am very familiar with. I also know that this could not have been the first incident. They aren't this bold the first time. I know how she feels today. I know the physical pain, the emotional pain, and the struggle she is now facing.
This is what I want others to learn from this:
I, me, Jenna, has lived a day in the life of Rihanna. This social problem is one that effects people in all walks of life. It discriminates against no one. Regardless of age, race, gender, status; domestic violence rears its ugly head.
My heart goes out to Rihanna. She is a young, beautiful, successful woman. She is on top of the world in the peak of her life. This is not something she should be facing. It's not anything ANYONE should go through. I hope she knows that she is not alone. I hope she knows this can't break her. It won't be long before she's back in the limelight and leaving him in the dust.
This is something that although it changes you for the rest of your life, it does not define you. People have questioned my character regarding this before. Asking why I stayed. Why I allowed it. How did I not see the signs?
The answers to these questions are irrelevent. Pointless. Unless you live the life, you won't understand it. But you should be understanding to the fact that anyone can fall into this trap.
If you know anyone in this situation or are living it yourself. Please know that you don't have to. There are people who will help. Like me. I will hold the hand of any sister through this. I'm out of my abusive marriage since 01.04.05 and happy that it's finally all in the past! I regularly attend support meetings because I know it takes as long to get over it as it does to get into it.
So, SPEAK OUT!! Let Rihanna's pain be a voice for us all. I'm thankful she was brave enough to SPEAK OUT. I hope the publicity of her story motivates millions of women to leave their abusers. God bless Rihanna and all other victims.
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